第二季又开始了。我们了解到Paul和Kate离婚了,并且搬到了布鲁克林,重新开诊,并且还会在周末回去看看自己的孩子们,并拜访自己的导师/好友/心理医生Gina。另外,上一季死去的Alex的父亲也找上了门,送上了诉讼文书,要告Paul执业失误导致了Alex的死。而与此同时,我们还看到了四个新的病人:Mia:Paul以前的病人、现在的代表律师;April:不愿为心理问题求助的建筑系女大学生;Olivier:婚姻不幸家庭的牺牲品;Walter:失眠的家族企业CEO。新的病人,新的故事,新的时间,希望大家能继续支持。
30
You know, it's not dogma. It's a basic tenet of our profession. If you take action in your patients' lives, you cause them to become dependent on you. You cripple them.
You don't just listen. You make observations. You ask questions. You make interpretations. You encourage people to look at the patterns of their behavior.
They want to be loved, even by me. They want a child, or they want to be my child. They want a parent who loves them. They want attention, they want affection. They want hope, they want pills, and they want sex.
But if she were capable of receiving love and support, she wouldn't be coming to you for them. That's her real problem. And until it's treated, she won't be able to take anyone's advice. And that's why she needs therapy.
-You'd always rather yell than think. -What don't I want to think about?
-Then why am I failing them? -It's not about you, Paul. You know, they're human beings. They're struggling with profound problems. If only you could find courage to sit with the fact that what we do is hard and sometimes, it makes you feel like an idiot. It's a humbling profession. And if you lack anything as a therapist, it's humility. Somehow you have to learn to tolerate the fact that we don't save people. We can't.
-I don't want to see my patients. -See your patients, Paul. Act as if you believe you're helping.
31
You haven't lost your father. He's still in your life, but you did lose the father that you thought you had. He didn't refute your mother's version of events. "Mia, born to a depressed mother, idealizes her father so as not to feel completely alone. And this week, after finally confronting him, she can see her dad for who he really is." It is shattering, but if you can now move beyond that connection to your father it may open the possibility of finding love elsewhere.
I just felt like the bed was safe and the living room was scary.
You want what I can't give you. Blaming me for not giving you what you need when you needed it.
- I felt like I had nothing before. Now I have less than nothing. Thank you. You've helped me to realize that I've made poor choice after poor choice my whole life. - But you also have to realize, Mia, that you're at a critical juncture in you life, that now you do have the self-knowledge to make different, better choices. And sometimes when you're on the verge of real change, that's when you fight the hardest.
-Do you really think that getting married is going to make it all better? Do you have any idea of how many married people, how many parents feel as empty as you do? And what about that made you feel good? Have you ever considered that maybe it's not about a child, Mia, or a husband? Maybe that's just a picture in your head from your family, from your friends, from the culture. Not everyone needs that to live a full and contented life. Maybe what you really want, Mia, is to feel connected, authentically connected to somebody or something else. - And we bothe know that I can't have that. -It's been your way of communicating to both of us what you need. You've also been honest, caring. You've made yourself vulnerable. You've shown me who you really are. And you haven't walked away.
32
She used to say, "A mother is only as happy as her least happy child."
It's difficult to be the one who survives.
- Did I make it all up? - No. You just got rerouted. Your life's path has changed without your consent. It must be so hard to handle.
But sometimes, we just have to act as if we do.
I mean, you've learned so much about yourself, about trust and acceptance, about not needing to be perfect all the time. I mean, I know it's hard to see that now, but the great thing about self-knowledge is that once you have it... you have it. And you can't help but put it into use. You still have challenges ahead of you, that's why I think you really need to keep talking to somebody.
33
What he really needs now is a home where he can feel safe. You need to build that for him.
- The truth is, there's a good chance things are gonna get worse for Oliver and for you. For a long time, he is going to be very angry at you. And you're gonna have to keep loving him, no matter what. You're gonna have to let him have his anger. And you're gonna have to take it, just let him be who he is. - So just take it? - And keep showing up.
You know, once when I was about your age, I saw my dad cry. He was having a big fight with my mom. They were yelling at each other. I just wanted them to stop. I guess I wanted them to be... to be just happy. And it made me so pissed when I found out that they weren't. Well, I stayed pissed at them for a long time. And then I realized that even though my mom and dad got upset, and they made big mistakes sometimes, they still loved me.
If you're not getting something that you need, tell them. If you don't understand why something is happening, say 'Can you please explain this to me?' And if things get really upsetting and confusing, call me. That way we can work together to try and solve the problem.
34
It can be hard to live your life, to be genuinely fulfilled, when a part of your true self is locked away.
35
- I acted as if I believed I really was help. - And did that help? - To be honest, I was kind of skeptical at first. I felt a bit like a hypocrite, and they'd see that. - Of course you'd feel that way. - But then weirdly enough, something started to happen. I was talking to Oliver's dad about the responsibility of what it means to be a father and keeping in touch with your kid. Really, I was talking for both of us. But I think I reached him. I mean, I was still doubting myself, but I just kept at it, you know? I just couldn't believe that something so simple could actually work. And it kept working, you know? - You're a good therapist. And I'm sure you did a lot of good work this week, despite how uncertain you felt.
They both think that the world is supposed to be on their shoulders, and they're both incapable of receiving support.
- Practicing this way, I may never know whether I help people or not. It's not like I'm trying to get them to pass their driving test or do better on their SATs or something. The only measure I have of whether I'm helping somebody or not is how my patients feel about it and how their lives go on from there. And they won't know that until long after we've stopped therapy. - What are you saying? - I guess what I'm trying to say is that these people come to me, they want me to fix their problems, and the truth is , I think all I can do is just walk with them for a while, keep them company during a rough patch. I don't think anybody's life can be figured out, but it is in our nature to keep trying to make sense of it. And sometimes we can use help. That's when, if we're lucky, there's somebody in the room who can listen. It doesn't have to be somebody perfect, somebody sufficiently screwed up to actually get what we might be going through. - Someone like you. - On occasion. - And not someone like me. - No, Gina. Not for me. Not anymore.
The one thing I have figured out... I just need to be with more people. I don't need a break from being a therapist. I need a break from... just from this. You know? I need to stop analyzing my life. I need to start living it. I need you to let me go.
- What's the book about? - It's about redemption, I suppose.
I never would have survived without you.
持续更新ing
看《 In Treatment 》的过程中经常会对一些对白深有感触,决定开个帖子,作为自己的观剧笔记。
1,
【我们的记忆有时很不可靠。】
我们总喜欢把记忆看作是对往昔的实录,但每次我们取出一个场景,我们总会在放回之前,不经意地做一些修饰——我们总是不断修改我们的记忆,这样,过去才不会和现在的感受发生冲突。
剧中Gina拿夫妻关系举例,在我看来,似乎用来论述对童年回忆的影响同样贴切:
如果你觉得你的妈妈不爱你,那你童年记忆中关于她的部分就会是灰暗的。
你或许会说:“她从来没有爱过我……”
但或许,她并不是没有疼爱过你,有没有可能,是你把那些记忆都删除掉了?
2,
【当时你只是一个孩子,没有孩子能照顾好他的父母。】
类似的话,Paul在给Walter做咨询时也说过,但他们二人的第一反应都是抗拒、拒绝接受这个事实——他们宁愿相信是自己的错,是自己的失败,是自己没有照顾好自己的母亲或兄长。
但是,孩子是不应该、也是没有能力照顾他们的父母的。
作为孩子,他们只能坐在后座,当由父母驾驶的这辆车子失控时,他们无力扭转方向、抓住他们的父母。
3.
【 “ 你是否觉得我也会和你父母一样、最终离你而去?”】
律师Mia在一次咨询时通过各种方式刁难她的咨询师Paul——言语刻薄地斥责他的迟到、和女病人的关系暧昧、在曾经的治疗中不告而别,并擅自偷看了他的律师信函……一切的一切,都抱着准备被Paul赶走的心态,“怎么样?你是不是想让我赶紧滚出去了?”
咨询师Paul深深凝视着她,沉默良久之后,问:“你是在考验我吗?你是否是想验证我也会和你的父母一样、会因为你的难相处而抛弃你?”
突然,想到刚刚结婚那一两年,几乎每隔几天就会和家属吵架,起因都是非常非常小的事情,我当时的状态非常敏感,常常歇斯底里……曾经有很多很多次,我都以为我们的关系马上就要结束了。 现在回想,我当时的心态就是:我就知道,你肯定也会离开我。
很庆幸,我老公最后经受住了我的“考验”。
而我,也不会再怀疑“他是否真的爱我”这件事了——不是源于对未来的绝对肯定,而是在抱持的环境下,补足了自己曾经缺失的爱与安全感。
而这个过程,或者说“磨合阶段”,我们经历了大概两三年。
婚姻之所以会改变一个人,或许就是因为我们有机会得以进入一段全新的家庭关系与亲密关系之中吧?
曾经原生家庭带给自己的伤痕,有一部分在新的关系模式中得到了愈合,有人愿意为我们提供一个新的环境,并努力抱持,让我们的一部分得以重生。
总之,感谢我的爱人,感谢他在那个难熬的阶段,依然愿意伴我前行。
关于信任建立的艰难和爱的微弱可能。
那个冬天的星期二,April来到Paul的诊室,这并不是她第一次接受心理治疗,她没有直接坐下,而是在诊室四处打量了一番,又担心自己的行为不大符合咨询要求而显得拘谨。她化了精致的妆,但看起来还是有点疲惫,无法放松和轻易信任,我感觉她随时随地准备离开,而且一去不回。
终于,她慢慢坐下并说了些自己的基本情况,建筑系在读的大二学生,家里有父母和一个弟弟,刚和男友分手,我以为这是她来咨询的原因。她的情绪一直表现平稳礼貌甚至克制,直到说起学校里曾经的咨询经历。“她就是个白痴。”面对Paul的追问,她非常不耐烦和愤怒。眼前这位咨询师会和那个白痴的Jennifer差不多吗?那种自以为是以为对每个来访者都了如指掌的心理医生,沽名钓誉,她不禁在心里冷笑,更多是愤怒,她根本就不在乎我这样一个来访者,感觉我在浪费时间吧。Paul问我怎么知道,呵,从她的眼神我就能感觉到,还有,那个白痴的别有用心的故事,她竟然还讲了两次。说是一个乡下人来到纽约,他迷路了,没有任何人注意到他而且帮助他,他想去博物馆看恐龙,但一筹莫展,终于他走到时代广场的正中央,找到了一名警察,跟他说:“你好,可以告诉我自然博物馆怎么去吗?或者我只是滚蛋?”就这样的故事,她还给我讲了两次,不可思议。
后来我就没去咨询了,她还一直打电话想联系我,但我没理她。为什么不能直接告诉她?如果需要个理由的话,就是我不想伤害她。好吧,这不是真的,我讨厌她的忽视。我跟她说我孤独症的弟弟,而她竟然问我是不是生我弟弟的气。我深爱着我的弟弟,弟弟对我多么重要,难道她看不出来吗?!难道咨询师就是这样问东问西来浪费彼此的时间的吗?我开始生气。太无助了,我就像那个在纽约街头无头苍蝇一样的乡下人。
我需要帮助,为什么你们都看不出来呢?!我好失望。
Paul没有被我的愤怒扰乱,他分析了一番刚才我说的话透露的信息,我对我的家庭忠诚,咨询的时候不想听废话,如果他看起来帮不上忙的话,我就会马上离开,而且一去不回。
这样看来他好像跟Jennifer有些不同。我稍微放松了点,感觉这个人好像可以试着依靠。他开始问我咨询的真实原因。我想了很久,关于那件事,我想说,但就是说不出口,感觉如鲠在喉。但我挣扎这么久来这里不就是想解决这件事获得专业的帮助吗?我想试试写下来,面对这件事对我来说太难了,它就像一个巨大的伤口,我不喜欢把伤口展示给别人看,那显得我太脆弱了,我不喜欢这样的自己。
写着答案的那张纸显得有千斤重,它已经压在我心头很久,我觉得很难受很疲惫。我得了淋巴癌。而我还有很多事要做,我不想面对这件事。从知道患病到现在已经一个多月了,我不知道该怎么办,医院和医生都不可信任,我无法信任他们,就像我无法信任我之前的咨询师一样。那天我去做检查的时候看见那些打情骂俏的医学生们,我就知道,谁会真正在意我呢?我死了也没人会在乎的,所以我谁都没告诉,除了眼前这个咨询师。我告诉他,他显得有些难以置信,可事情就是这样了。我宁愿独自死掉都不愿意求助任何人,因为我没有任何人可以依赖,我不想成为任何人的负担。把自己托付给其他人对我来说是件可怕的事。
关于肿瘤医生,关于我的前咨询师,Paul认为我都在主观臆断,这让我很生气。他难道也是一个根本不理解我的咨询师吗?我只想快点离开诊室,他有点不知所措,让我务必再进行问诊。
该死,前男友竟然把我生病的消息告诉了他现在的女朋友,那个不学无术、爱多管闲事的富二代还假装好心要帮我支付治疗费。实在是可笑至极,她以为她是谁呢?一想到我曾深爱的Kyle将和她比翼双飞,我就很难受,Kyle稳重、靠谱,也曾爱过我,但因为这该死的癌症,我们不得不分手。生病又兼负学业让我压力很大,我想或者我们还可以做朋友,所以我联系了他,也告诉了他我生病的事,他哭了,我们都哭了,但他已经跟那个女的订了婚。好了,我现在是彻底一个人面对死亡了。我没有把这句告诉Paul,我说我知道他怎么看我,无非就是我用我的冷漠推开了Kyle之类的...
令人意外的是Paul说我的推断是想把他作为咨询师的工作也揽下,好证明我没有他的帮助都可以自己渡过难关。
是的,我忍不住想把所有人都推开,我告诉自己,他们都帮不了我。因为,我不想失望,失望比死亡好像还可怕。要么全有,要么全无,非黑即白,这就是我的待人原则。
不属于我的人为什么有义务帮我呢?一切都是有条件的。如果说生命中有谁是属于我的话,我想是我的弟弟Daniel吧,一个孤独症患者,他多么可怜啊,我能理解他,上天对他不公平。我常常远远看着自己跟kyle的幸福,想象着Daniel也这样看着我们,在他孤独的痛苦里看着我们,我觉得深深地难过,好像被Daniel附了体一样难过。
是的,Paul说得对,我宁愿去死都不愿意示弱。我不喜欢自己看起来羸弱和依赖。他把自己比喻成忧心娃娃,我把我的担忧转交给他,那我自己就不用为自己担忧了。我想这也是我愿意来咨询的原因。我好像慢慢跟他建立了一种联系,虽然我可能会随时切断它。
第三周的问诊我去了,因为我承诺了Paul如果要结束咨询必须要告诉他,我把熬了几个通宵的课业设计给他看,我失眠、焦虑,做噩梦,太煎熬了,我不愿意接受这是癌细胞对我的攻击,我在跟它们打仗。非常累的时候我很想回家,但我知道我无家可归,我无家可归。我太累了,只想小睡一下。当Paul按照约定在8点整叫醒我的时候,我稍微清醒了点,八点了,课业项目要求八点前必须交上去,现在一切都结束了,但一切都未完成,我感觉到身体里那股对于失控的巨大愤怒在翻滚,我把作品拿出来,把它砸得粉碎。这是件不完美的作品,尺寸不对,根本没办法做起来,太失败了。Paul说出强迫思想的那一刻彻底让我愤怒,他了解什么是强迫思想吗?这让我联想到我的弟弟,我尝试让自己体会他的感受,我想理解他。
Paul说或许我已经把他的感受内化成了自己的。他是在说我在对自己实施某种暴政吗?就像那年在迈阿密旅行的时候,我从窗户上摔下了楼,但我的父母正在跳舞而并未察觉,我自己回到房间,对着镜子里哭的自己说:“April,别哭了。”然后我就真的止住了眼泪,他说的,是这种暴政吗?
我想回的家,家人们相亲相爱,没有Daniel。但我们没有那样的家,迈阿密旅行期间,Daniel发作,我妈一直为这个而充满内疚,我知道我们家不可能轻松起来,我必须要更克制自己,不给其他人添麻烦 ,我要尽量完美。我心疼我的母亲,我不能因为我的病让她再承受更多痛苦。我无法承受自己如此自私。
Paul坚持让我联系我的母亲,这对我而言太难了。我又犹豫了几天,我甚至独自去过癌症治疗中心,想看看治疗是怎样的感觉。还是无法信任那里的医生和护士。我妈给我回了电话,但患癌的事我还是开不了口,感觉自己像个炸弹,我只是说自己感觉不大舒服。一如既往地,我妈责备我没有照顾好自己,blablabla。她的压力太大了,我能理解,虽然我还是想要她安慰我。但不可能的,Daniel尝试自杀,她怎么还有闲工夫管我呢?我想帮她分担,带Daniel去见一个以往对他有帮助的医生。我跟Paul说了我妈想跟我爸离婚的事,她只是说说,她也许真正想离开的是Daniel,我知道我爸不想管Daniel,所以他把自己放进工作了,我不能像他一样置之不理,我想我还有些力气可以帮帮我妈,帮帮Daniel。
虽然很累,但我还是可以处理这件事的。从沙发起来的时候突然感觉天旋地转,应该只是低血糖的缘故吧。但Paul坚持让我吃点东西和照顾好自己,老生常谈,但他这次很生气。是我咨询以来从未见过的生气,嗯,为了我。他让我做出其他选择,他几乎是吼着说人们有时候可以互相依赖。
他一定是被我逼急了,他被我惹烦了,他不能再帮助我了。我也大吼着,情绪也失控。我告诉他我害怕极了,害怕化疗,害怕死亡,害怕世界上再也没有人可以帮助我了,哪怕眼前这个看起来有点理解我的咨询师。我们似乎是大吵了一架,我知道帮助他人是很难的,我也知道接受帮助和信任对我来说更是难上加难。他们真的愿意负担我吗?不会抛弃我吗?不会因为失去耐性而责备我吗?我不敢作出这样的赌博。
我跟Paul说,我做不到。然后他问我是否愿意让他陪我去化疗。他的眼神笃定而诚恳,我很想答应他,我真的太累了,将信将疑地问他是否真的可以陪我去,他看着我的眼睛承诺是。我鼓起勇气跟着他出了门。
我最终接受了化疗,过程很痛苦,我变得非常疲惫虚弱,时常觉得自己离死亡只有一线之差。而辛酸的幸运是,在巨大的黑暗里我曾经见过的,是那一缕爱照进来时的微弱的光芒。谢谢它。
e05 Gina
我想让你告诉我,我该怎么做;我想知道怎么样去感受所有这一切
e015 Gina
我们总是不断地修改我们的记忆,这样过去才不会和当前发生冲突
即使你当时还是个孩子,你却对母亲的痛苦产生了移情作用;但你还太小了,所以你去上学拼命工作、努力学习、用心思考。到如今,有人来向你求助,你就能帮助他们,但你不是因为救不了你的母亲所以才成为一名心理医生的
e017 April
生活就是选择的集合
e025 Gina
唯有爱有机会对抗死亡,爱让我们受伤,但没有爱我们会感觉孤立、迷失
e027 April
April,有没有可能,我现在也成了这个模式的一部分了?你患了癌症,你决定独自迎战,就跟以前一样。你不告诉你妈妈,但是你来见我,你告诉我你患癌了,因为在某种程度上你知道我最后会告诉你妈妈。然后,你又一次成了我们的英雄
e030 Gina
他们想被爱,甚至被我爱;他们想要孩子,或者他们想成为我的孩子;他们想要个爱他们的爸妈,他们想要关注,想要情感,想要希望;他们想吃药,他们想sex
这就是你的问题所在,你害怕为自己病人的生活负责,你根本不愿意和他们扯上关系,而我愿意。所以你墨守成规,坚持让他们自己做决定,可在我看来那不叫专业,那叫懦弱
e031 Mia
这可能是个绝佳的选择,如果你拿选择男人的标准来选择治疗师的话,找个可能会令你失望的人,用尽浑身解数来把他赶走,而当他最终辜负你的时候,当然这是必然的,你就会对他满腔怒火
我并没有说他们都是有罪的,但是每一次你站在法庭为你的客户辩护时,我觉得你其实是在为你的父亲辩护,向每一个人,尤其是你自己
一些重要的句子记录
April
23岁的建筑系女大学生(谜之世另我……),得了癌症之后却不愿意求助他人,因为害怕被人拒绝、被人讨厌。这源于她母亲对孤独症弟弟的过度关注和对她的忽略,使她不得不把独立当做自己的盾牌。paul越界带她去做化疗,打电话给她母亲,几番争吵后终于换取她的信任。
真的超赞。PS这一季一定请了一位牛逼的配乐师,bm太经典了。。。
看完第二季,有种不舍得的感觉,怎么只拍了三季,5555,再看一季就没有了。
这家伙说啥心理治疗都是扯淡。——你不仅仅是听、你还观察、你还解析、你鼓励人们去审视自己的行为模式。——我可能做了那些事,但那都不是人们想要的。他们想要个爱他们的爸妈,他们想要关注、他们想要情感、他们想要希望、他们想吃药、他们想做爱。可我给不了他们这些东西。
比第一季还要精彩,几乎有一半的剧集都会看哭。关于真相与真实,责任与义务。Paul 的精神分析里有太多自我暴露了。有两个地方他处理的很棒:1,Mia 问他列举任何一个我们亲密的时刻,他说:现在。2,和 Oliver 临别时的那通电话。这个爱尔兰男人,这样一双深邃的眼睛,谁不爱呢?
这是我看过最不商业的美剧了!没那么狗血,表演精彩、场景简单!
Pual疯了,我求求他别这样,他不可能把每个人都救下来……他不可能走进每个人的生活拯救每一个人……我真的求求他别这样
比起第一季,差了那么点意思。and every teenage girl is a total disaster!
既深刻又温暖。看到Pual就很安心。Paul在支撑着很多人,Gina支撑着Paul,这才是世界温暖运行的方式。Gina最后是不是很难过?如何能既身在其中又看出自己的Pattern呢?
这一季几乎全部是关于奇葩父母如何给带给子女成长磨难以及幼年经历对一个人的整个人生的影响的故事。而心理医师保罗自己也一直在母亲留下的阴影中挣扎。感叹这个世界奇葩父母何其多。
几乎每集都会看哭怎么破。它改变了我很多。Some people naturally have more heightened emotional responses than others. You've been working hard to change your nature which is probably a futile enterprise. But a continual effort to do that could make you very angry or insecure.
去过therapy才能知道Paul是多么优秀的therapist…
继承了上一季的许多因子,比上一季感人,但是这季的几个故事有雷同的内核。虽然分析时有精神分析派的动力性,有客体关系的理想化分析,有格式塔学派的觉察,有认知学派的思维模式分析,但更多的是存在主义学派的分析,死亡,意义,特别是责任,甚至可以说,这几个故事的内核是责任问题
第二季比第一季更好,paul呈现出真实和迷茫的一面,而且拥有许多温情和动人的力量,多次情感和对话让我落泪。
为therapist平反的系列剧。起初也觉得在短短数十分钟的therapy里,聊的都是毫无建树的内容,病人想要fix problems想要索取爱,therapist却只能固守着boundaries隔岸观火般淡然聆听,所以每个病人都抗拒合作与帮助,therapist劳心劳力却又不讨好。直到最后将病灶心魔一步步抽丝剥茧般摊开,随即而来的是拨云见日般情感内核的冲撞。如果我与GB孤男寡女共处一室,肯定越过boundary先犯罪了再说。
比第一季更深刻、更真实了。诊疗故事随着Paul个人生活的颠覆也在慢慢转变着。所有演员都很出色。继续恶补第三季!
中国现在心理医学这个行业必将火爆
第二季的麻烦更普通人一些,太贴近生活所以一次不能看太多。仍然很棒,男主换了发型之后简直犯规。
竟然比第一季还棒!!
看不起心理治疗看该剧也有很好效果。。
paul是个卷入过多的咨询师,在咨询室试图找到自我存在的意义。在他反移情作为父亲的case,总是可以相对处理比较好,反而则不是。